Gordisms...

 

Why did the grass cutter cross the road?
To get to the other scythe.

 

If a cannibal says "sweetheart" to you...

Are they showing affection or wanting to share a recipe?

 

The danger of pursuing a career playing violin?
There’s not a lot of money to be made, and you risk ending up completely baroque.

 

Why were Mary & Joseph turned away for having the sniffles?
No rheum at the inn.

 

Fred's wife felt regretful about her gold bra.
She was racked with gilt.

 

I’ve got a condition where I keep shouting out parts of castles.
I think I’ve got Turrets.

Fred offered candy to people on the train.
Almost everybody said no, but the conductor couldn’t resist.

 

Fred was alarmed when he heard a fart sound coming from the closet.

Until he remembered that he had hung up his old windbreaker in there.

 

Fred is so into technology that when night comes he calls it dark mode.

 

Fred always thought it was polite to hold doors open for the ladies and compliment them on their appearance, but apparently that rule does not apply in the women's restroom.

 

Fred's wife said she wants to spend their savings on learning to drive a steamroller and He's not going to stand in her way.

 

The hardest part of Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting you don’t have a problem.