Gordisms...

 

It's never a good idea to take Viagra when you have kidney stones.

You might find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

Something the bible won't tell you: The male dog never made it onto Noah's ark, yet survived the floods.
He was a good buoy.

 

All the flights from Liverpool's John Lennon Airport have been canceled.......
Imagine all the people.

 

Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing cheap lipstick because although it has vibrant colours, it crumbles easily and makes her breath smell.
She was quoted as saying: "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis".

 

A grasshopper with a guitar?
Jiminy Hendrix.

 

So you’re telling me that when a baby crawls across the floor for its bottle it’s cute, but when I do it, I need an intervention?

 

Fred is struggling to make ends meet.
Next belt he buys will be one size up.

 

The fact there's a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell....
Tells you a lot about the anticipated traffic.

 

Fred's wife left him for a man that makes mustard for a living.
He found a Dijon letter on the kitchen table.

 

Fred goes to a multi-denominational church. 

They welcome all $20s, $50s, and $100s

 

The head of the British secret service was knighted by the king.
He is now Sir Veillance.

 

Fred entered the National Viagra Eating Championships.
There was some very stiff competition.