Gordisms...

 

Fred entered a lottery to win a new broom.
It's a sweepstakes.

 

I met someone who used to be an admiral. You'd think a person with that background would be interesting.
Turns out they're just a post-naval drip.

 

The last few costume parties Fred has been to, he has dressed as a shark....
The joke's wearing fin.

 

When they came up with the name Crazy Glue, did they just keep trying names until something stuck?

 

Fred lost his job at the local carnival.
He's going to sue them for funfair dismissal.

 

Fred's wife likes to over explain things.
He calls it ma’amsplaining.

The woman aiding with the birth of Fred's  first child broke down crying suddenly.
It was a midwife crisis.

 

Fred likes to mark his calendar with bright neon colors.
It’s the highlight of his day.

 

I don’t think jokes about German beers are really that funny…
Kind of Lowenbrau humor if you ask me.

 

For  a costume party, Fred is planning to dress up as a dictator from Cuba.
He's just not sure if he can pull off the costume with fidelity.

 

Fred ate the last piece of flan that he and his wife had been fighting over.
He won the custardy battle.

 

Monotheists are just polytheists who are only capable of remembering one name at a time.