crotchety ruv

 

 

 

  Why was it so windy in the stadium? There were a bunch of fans.   Reading confessions in braille... is a touchy subject.   I was named after my father. He was born quite a while before me.   Apparently you need to eat healthy more than once to get in shape That is completely unfair.   Two first responders? A pair of medics.   Fred was once in a serious relationship with an Instagram influencer, but when he proposed to her he got zero engagement.   Some say fuzzy leather with a napped finish is preferable but I’m not suede.   The Bible says the meek shall inherit the earth, but unfortunately the strong keep contesting the will.

 

 

 

 

 

  I stepped on some broken glass It was a pane   Fred broke into a sheep farm, but had to escape on one of the animals when the cops showed up. At the moment, He's still on the lamb.   Doug Ford apparently had an argument with his cabinet today.... He was also seen yelling at the bookcase and his desk.   Fred joined a dating site for arsonists He's been getting a lot of matches   I met an Indian atheist They said they were a naan believer   A French Dip that you’ve seen before? Deja jus.   I doubt, therefore I might be.   I got a letter the other day without a return address on it. I assumed it was from the Philippines... It was in a Manila envelope.

  Not long ago a merchant found a lot of monkeys that lived near a certain Village .   One day he came to the Village saying he wanted to buy these monkeys !   He announced that he would buy the monkeys at $100 each.   The Villagers thought that this man must be crazy - How can somebody buy Stray Monkeys at $100 each ?   Still some People caught some monkeys and gave it to this merchant and he gave $100 for each monkey.   This News spread like wildfire and People caught monkeys and sold them to the merchant.   After a few days, the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys at $200 each.   The lazy villagers also ran around to catch the remaining monkeys!   They sold the remaining monkeys at $200 each.   The merchant then announced that he will buy monkeys for $500 each!   The villagers start to lose sleep!.....They caught six or seven monkeys, which was all that was left and got $500 each.   The Villagers were waiting anxiously for th

 

 

 

 

 Accidentally took my cat's meds Don't ask meow   A wizard in a frat house? An abracada-bro   I saw a microbiologist today He was much bigger than I expected   A Former comedian who likes Trigonometry? Bill cosB   If a kleptomaniac sees another kleptomaniac... Do they double take?   Every ovation is a standing ovation if you don't provide seats.   A fast talker from Mesopotamia sure can babble on.

 

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9tWDqrfM2U  

  We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.   If they ever discover the elixir of eternal youth, they should just market it as the Neverage Beverage   Two vultures wearing cassocks? Birds of Pray   What unit should you use to measure smells? Scentimetres.   Fred's wife gets angry when he messes with her red wine. He added lemonade and fruit and she’s sangria than ever.   There's a new line of emergency rations. The first one is a Mexican dish called... Just-In-Case-adillas   Everytime someone accuses me of having an acid tongue, I think to myself, "Well, that's a baseless accusation".   Arson is just crime brûlée  

 

 

  They’ve just launched a streaming service for classical concerts… I am really looking forward to clarinetflix   Sunbathing geometry teacher? A tangent.   Fred  lost a lens in his glasses, but He's been able to stay positive about it. He sees the glasses half full.   What did the Mexican carpet layer say to his helper? Underlay underlay!   Some people say that it's miserly to use as many vouchers and coupons as I do, but I think of it as my only redeeming quality   Fred  gave his date a bottle of tonic water and Schwepped her off her feet

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.al.com/news/2022/07/brooklyn-preacher-and-wife-robbed-of-1-million-in-jewelry-during-church-sermon.html%3foutputType=amp