gordisms...

 

I simmered ten comedians in water for 6 hours.
and made a laughing stock.

 

Elon Musk's favorite country?
Mad-at-gas-car

 

I'm OK with social distancing, but I think my local grocery store has gone too far.
They've put a big X on the floor to show where to stand in line at the register.
I've seen enough Roadrunner cartoons, I'm not falling for that.

 

Fred bought one of those "Smart" light switches, but it was too clever for him.
So he replaced it with a dimmer switch.

 

What do you call a Parisian with a foot fetish?
Piedophile

 

My wife said I'd gotten fat since she married me...
I said "Yeah, you got 50% more of me. That's a great return on investment!"

 

Remember, it is ok to hug a tree...
They are all bark and no bite.

 

My earliest clear memory from my childhood is going with my dad to get my prescription glasses.
Life before that is a blur.

 

What do you call an arborist who has no money?
Bur Oak