some great puns from gord...

 

My grandad always used to say "never a lender or borrower be", and got fired from his job as the library manager.

 

Did you hear about the Italian who lost the use of his arms?
Now he only speaks French.

 

What do you call an overweight clairvoyant?
A four-chin teller

 

Some people have 32 teeth, while some people have only 6.
It's simple meth.

 

What kind of car does an electrician drive?
A volts-wagen

 

My father was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.

 

What do you call a woman who sets fire to her bills?
Bernadette