Gordisms...

Fred was known as one of the brightest detectives on the force,

Solved cases by the process of illumination.

An asian pirate wearing a g-string?

Thong Jong Silver.

While wading off the beach, Fred's lower leg struck something hard.

It was a pirate's treasure chest - sometimes booty is just shin deep.

Fred had to sell his collection of shore birds, and now says he has no egrets.

Donkeys are said to be stubborn, but they are really just very ass-sertive.