Gordisms...

 

If you're thinking about becoming a dairy farmer, it's important to remember not to pamper the cows too much.
Otherwise, you'll end up with spoiled milk.

 

Fred is still undecided on which streaming service to watch.
Tubi or not Tubi? That is the question.

 

What do you call Library books ripped up and tossed on the ground?
Litterature.

 

Millipedes are cool.
They’re 10 times better than centipedes.

 

Fred's planning to become a blacksmith.
His therapist told him  to forge some new relationships.

 

You should always sleep with your head somewhat higher than your feet.
That is, if you’re so inclined.

Ever since Fred started quarantining...
He's only been telling inside jokes.

 

Fred made six figures last year.
He was also named worst employee at the toy factory.

 

Are you telling me June is already almost over?
No way dude, Julying.

 

A landscaper's favorite soccer club?
AC Mow-lawn.

 

What would you call Jell-O spread on a cracker?
Pudding on the Ritz.

 

Someone threatened to throw a statue of Zeus at me.
I told him to stop making idol threats.