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If your wedding went off without a hitch
... then you're not married yet.

 

Fred's obese parrot died today.
Sad news, but it’s a huge weight off his shoulders.

 

Fred is an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water.
It's his special tea.

 

Reach out to someone named Jack if you’re ever feeling low.
He’ll lift you up.

 

One great thing about Orcas is...
They do a killer whale impression.

 

Nostalgia is like grammar.
We find the present tense and the past perfect.


Fred is opening an all-night diner specializing in Asian dishes.

Calling it "Wok Around the Clock".

 

In university, I got bad grades in geology, paleontology, and history...
But that's all in the past.

 

There is an epidemic of untethered canines in this neighbourhood.

The Police are appealing for leads.

 

What do you call a flower that doesn’t last very long?
A temporaralilly.

 

No matter what price coffee is…
It’s always 50% off.

 

A wheel of cheese that you throw to someone else?
Fris-brie.



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