Gordisms...

 

Fred's subtraction jokes are gaining a lot of popularity.
They're really making a difference.

 

What app does a Jedi use to read PDF files?
Adobe-Wan Kenobi.

 

Fred used to be in the Secret Feline Containment Society...
...but  got kicked out when he let the cat out of the bag.

 

What do you do if you spill half a bottle of Scotch on your good shoes?
Polish it off.

 

What is it called when a president tries to remove a country's past events from the public's knowledge?
A history-rectomy.

 

I watched an old Roy Rogers movie the other day.
It came with a Trigger warning.

Jacques, the Parisian, realized that his wife had left him.
He came home to a DiJon letter.

 

If everyone else was jumping off a dock, I probably would too...
I'm pretty susceptible to pier pressure.

 

Fred's kids wanted him to order food delivery but he just walked to get the takeout.
Used uberfeets.

 

It's called TAX because it goes back so far into history they hadn't invented the screw.

 

When a former girlfriend told me that she was a witch I couldn't let her sleep because there ist no rest for the Wiccan.

 

Fred brought out a range of women's nightwear that’s so ugly he's being sued for gross negligées.