Fred just published a new pruning guide for houseplants...
It's called Plant Parenthood.

 

Fred  accidently mis-named the band that produced Dark Side of the Moon,

It was a floydian slip.

 

A zamboni driver has gone missing.
He is sure to resurface eventually.

 

Archaeologists uncovered a small plot of land with hundreds of buried curved swords.

It was an ancient scimtary.

 

I once spent a month in the local water hole.
That was time well spent.

 

Fred and his partner took out life insurance policies on each other.
So, now it’s just a waiting game.


Fred doesn't believe in all of astrology.
Just bits and Pisces.

 

Dentists decorate with novocaine.
It's an aesthetic.


I went to a big family reunion and a guy I didn’t recognise got rowdy and was asked to leave.

He was my second cousin, once removed.

 

One of the greatest ironies of the English language is that the word "monosyllabic" is polysyllabic.

 

How do you clean a popcorn ceiling?
Asbestos you can.

 

The hardest part of being a carpenter is the finish work.
Your success depends on how well you can cope.



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