Gordisms...

 

Fred got in trouble for being lazy.
He doesn't know why, He didn't do anything.

 

Please don’t beat up a baby goose.
It’s mean to punch down like that.

 

What to call a table tennis playing giant ape who comes to your door for karaoke?
Ping-pong playing King Kong, going “ding-dong” for a sing-song.

 

To whoever stole my furniture:
Very unchairtable of you.

 

Fred painted a picture of all the speeding tickets he has ever received.
It's fine art.

 

My extra winter weight is finally gone.
Now, I have spring rolls.

Fred bought a pair of high quality headphones.
They’re a sound investment.

 

Fred is an audio engineer.
He always gives sound advice.

 

A German went to the beach and snagged a seabird to make into a sausage.
Sadly, he took a tern for the wurst.

 

You always find your keys in the last place you look.
Probably because once you've found them, you aren't not looking for them anymore.

 

Critics are saying the new Michael Jackson movie is a “complete white wash” well yeah, that’s what happens when you have vitiligo.

 

If a doctor's kid ate an apple a day, would he ever see his dad?