Gordisms...

 

What is the worst thing you can say if your wife accuses you of never listening.
Trust me, she’ll hate it.

 

Fred once started a business for people with constipation.
It was slow going.

 

Fred recently went on a birdwatching tour.
He’s been raven about it all day.

 

A communist's favorite ABBA song?
I Believe in Engels.

 

A diagnostic is someone uncertain about the existence of two gods.

 

I don't know much about the Dunning Krueger effect, but I feel pretty safe to say it's not true.

Fred got attacked by a deaf person
He should have seen it coming, He just ignored the signs.

 

Fred said his wife should have been a geologist studying tectonic plates...
She is so good at finding faults.

 

Fred once met the members “Dexy's Midnight Runners” in person and one of them couldn’t stand upright.
When Fred asked him about it he said “Oh come on, I lean.”

 

I was going to tell some jokes about ski resorts…
But it's a slippery slope.

 

Fred wrote a short poem with 5, 7 and 5 syllables about a pigeon warbling from the top of a really tall tree....
It was a High-Coo.