Gordisms...

 

Last night I dreamt that I was but a single piece in an enormous jigsaw.
I was puzzled.

 

Fred's wife thinks he should stop talking about philosophy near the trash can.
She’s been telling her friends that He's getting too heavy around the waste.

 

Who else would like to see a puppet show without the puppets?
Let's see a show of hands.

 

If you go for a run, but 30 seconds into it you start walking, that's called intermittent fasting.

 

The wonderful thing about nihilism is that it doesn't matter.

 

When they want more qualifiers to the World Limbo Dancing Championships, do they set the bar higher or lower?

Fred thinks he has a good joke about Ikea furniture.
But he's still trying to put it together.

 

Fred's wife was sad about getting laryngitis so he asked her how it happened.
She said it wasn't easy to talk about.

 

Fred was calculating if he could save more water by taking baths or 5-minute showers.
In the end it's a wash.

 

I bought a bag of air today
The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

 

Darth Vader was a mistake in the Star Wars films.
He was a major foe pa.