Gordisms...

 

There's a rich Saudi Arabian man trying to buy every fish and chip shop in Britain.
His name is Sultan Vinegar.

 

Fred competed in a decorative macrame knots contest.
He didn't win, but did tie for second place.

 

There is a new Southeast Asian band that covers 80’s new wave.
Durian Durian

 

A student copied an essay on the Black Death from the Internet.
He was a bubonic plagiarist.

 

The cashier told Fred, "Strip down facing me."
By the time he realized she meant the credit card, it was too late.

 

What book makes grammar sexy?
The Comma Sutra.

If it weren’t for Venetian blinds
It’d be curtains for us all.

 

The inventor of the speedboat has died
His funeral is on Saturday, followed by a wake.

 

Fred was told many times, it’s wrong to shoplift
But he just doesn’t buy it.

 

Egyptian pyramids are where the old Giza's hang out.

 

Fred's wife found out he was cheating on her after she found all the letters he was hiding...
She got mad and said she'd never play Scrabble with him again.

 

Fred's wife complained that he planted too many tomatoes, and not enough other veggies
It was a garden variety argument.