Gordisms...

 

There is an actor who is so focused on physical fitness, that he carries all his workout equipment wherever he goes.
His name is Gym Carry.

 

Two words that will open a lot of doors for you: push and pull.

 

Fred thought he would make money growing corn.
I told him his idea was just a load of crop.

 

Fred wrote his own eulogy, citing all the wrongs that he felt he had suffered.

It was more of an obitchuary.

 

In college they called Fred "The Love Machine".
Because he was so bad at tennis.

 

I get a ringing in my ears when it gets dark.
It’s a condition called “tonightis”

I love Italian pastry
But I cannoli eat so much.

 

They built a rehab facility for book addicts.
It only has one story.

 

I accidentally bit my tongue when listening to a story with an important life lesson...
I guess I learned the molar of the story.

 

Fred was just broken up with for the tenth time this year.
Apparently he has high ex appeal.

 

My wife told me that the best exercise in the world was touching your toes.
I told her that was a stretch.

 

If a tomato is technically a fruit...
Is ketchup technically a smoothie?