Gordisms...

 

You could fill an entire house with teabags, hot water and milk and make the perfect brew.
It's proper tea.

 

Fred was told that he was heartless to brag about how many deer he was going to kill.
But then he came back without bagging any, which I guess is hartless, too.

 

Join the Math Revolution
Rise! Overrun!

 

Russia's Ministry of Culture renamed Tolstoy's most famous book.
It's now called Special Military Operation and Peace

 

One summer, Fred worked as an assistant to a one-armed typist.
It was shift work.

 

A military drone accidentally bombed a pig farm.
Lots of collateral hamage.

The type of aquatic creature that would make a terrible friend?
Anemone

 

Those who don't learn from their dinner getting cold
Are doomed to reheat it.

 

Fred was going to start an aluminum business...
...but his plan has been foiled

 

Fred was in a band called The Hinges...
They opened for The Doors.

 

Fred the policeman moonlighted leading an orchestra.
Because copper is a good conductor

 

My sister told me to try French press in the morning. She swears by it.
I tried but couldn’t stand it. Tired of hearing about all the protesting.