Gordisms...

 

A broken escalator is really weird...

It just stops and stairs.

Fred said his wife called him a sex machine.

She actually called him a f_cking tool, but he knows what she meant.

There's a religious sect called the Frisbeetarians?

They believe that when you die, your soul gets stuck up on a roof, and nobody can get it down.

The sales guy kept pushing, though I’d already said “No”, many times. So I shouted, “Non!” “Net!” “Nein!”

But he wouldn’t take No foreign answer.

Don't rush me!

I'm procrastinating as fast as I can

The kind of music do you get when you drop a rock into a lake?

Plunk rock.