Monday gordisms....

 

Hanging is the number one cause of death for stick figure people.

The loneliest billionaire?
Alone musk.

Why are tightrope walkers so healthy?
They eat well-balanced meals.

The difference between a campfire and a pyre?
One's low on the ground and the other is a pyre.

I broke my can opener.

Now it's a can't opener.

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine she bought in the morning was half empty.
I told her that it was because she was a pessimist.

Fred  was an Uber driver once
then he got fed up with people talking behind his back.

Americans will never switch to the metric system
It keeps getting struck down by the Supreme Quart.

I once referred to a man as an extinguished gentleman
He was put out.

The Pentagon was initially supposed to be The Octagon.
Unfortunately the contractors cut corners.