gordisms and crackin' eggs....

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People say I'm contrarian but I disagree.

 

Read the entire book about the history of superglue in one sitting
I couldn’t put it down

 

I have a suspicion that certain herbs can talk...
Only thyme will tell.

 

Please don't laugh at my puns.
I tell them because I'm a groan man.

 

I just met the saddest German ever.
Hans down.

 

Saw a notice on the side of an Apple store that read, "Apply inside"
And I was thinking to myself, "That makes a lot of sense... I mean, it's not going to be Orangey inside is it?"

 

The  maintenance guy lost his legs on the job.
Now he’s just a handyman.

 

Fred used to be a Professional Digresser
but this career went off track.

 

I always buy the smallest jar of pickles I can
The big jars are too cumbersome

 

Why is it called boot camp and not private practice?

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