a bunch of gordisms....

 I asked my wife, “Did you know there’s a fruit you can eat that provides your daily requirement of potassium?”

My wife: That’s bananas.
Me : I know. I couldn’t believe it either.

 

What is Instagram called in the USA?
Instaounce.

 

The problem with researching addiction, you can never get too into it.

 

I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after giving my first lesson.
Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

 

I saw a guy eating a Cuban style sandwich...
And I thought to myself, he's havana good time

 

what do you call a person who can't tolerate running out of bread?
Lack-Toast Intolerant

 

A man recently died while working at the glasses factory?
Apparently he fell right into the glass grinder, making a spectacle of himself.

 

I have a photograph of me and the lead singer of REM ....
That's me in the corner and that's him in the spotlight.

Dropped a 10 dollar bill and the wind caught it, I had to chase it down the road..
I never caught it but I had a good run for my money.

 

What do you call a hobo who can fly?
Peter Panhandle

 

What do you call a person who studies streets and highways?
A Roads Scholar.

 

Why did Jack the Ripper stop killing people?
He was taking a stabbatical.

What’s another name for a tired window shade?
A yawning

 

My colleagues at work gave me the nickname “Mr. Compromise.”
It wasn’t my first choice, but I was ok with it.