some gordisms and some vincisms:

 from vince:

·         If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?

·         A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

·         Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

·         What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

from gord:

A ghostly apparition of the rock band Procol Harem appeared on my bedroom wall.
I turned A Whiter Shade of Pale when I saw it.

 

How do you organise a party in space?
Planet. And when the guests arrive, rocket.

 

What cars do rich people drive in Saudi Arabia?
Islamborghini.

 

I used to be a shepherd, but I got fired...
...for falling asleep during inventory.

 

Fred used to be addicted to not showering.
He's been clean for five years now

 

How do you execute a mathematician?
With a hypotenoose.

 

The guy who invented velcro shoes thought to himself
'Why knot?'