gordisms....

 When I first heard of gonorrhea...I thought it was an anti-diarrhea medicine.

 

A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.

 

I hate spring cleaning.
Damn things bounce all over the place.

 

"Gilbert O'Sullivan came into my bank the other day,"
"What did he want?"
"A loan again, naturally..."

 

What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once
A four loaf cleaver

 

My wife claims that a man in camouflage is really sexy.
I just don’t see it.

 

What are the unspoken rules of sign language?
All of them.

 

If the Mantis'es are praying, what is their religion?
It varies, they're all in sects.

 

Which program do jedi use to open PDFs?
Adobe Wan Kenobi

 

Doors usually aren't bad tempered, but if you bump into one, it might start swinging.

 

I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation.
I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.

 

Police were called to an Ice Cream Factory after a man had died. They got there and he was covered in sprinkles.

Police suspect he may have topped himself.

 

what do you grow in a mean tree?
crab apples

 

What do you get when you cross PMS with GPS?
A crazy bitch who WILL find you

 

Here I am: 100 days sober
Not in a row or anything, just total.