good ones from gord.......

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I just made some dandruff from scratch

 

"I’m pleased to be getting a beer belly; I’ve always wanted a father figure."

 

I can’t find my root vegetables.
Hopefully, they turnip soon.

 

My wife asked me, “Do you think our kids are spoiled?”
I said, “No, I think they usually smell that way.”

 

A psychic was hit by a car in town today.
Poor sod never saw it coming.

 

You know, experts say that it’s healthy to cut carbs and they’re probably right.
I just don’t know whether I should cut them with a knife or a fork.

 

I misplaced Dwayne Johnson's cutting tool for the origami workshop...
I can't believe I lost the Rock's Paper Scissors...

 

Fred's wife - "I have changed my mind."
Fred - Have you gotten a working one now?

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