some great puns by gord and gilles

 

I keep randomly shouting out "Broccoli" and "Cauliflower".
I think I might have Florets.

Prison may just be one word
But to others, it’s a whole sentence

There are two types of people in this world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

How does the morning mist treat the cold lawn?

With all dew respect

Fred got fired from his last job even though he always gave 100%.
Apparently, that's not how you grade exams.

My friend and I laugh about how competitive we are, but I laugh more.

Doctor, I've got mustard in my eyes and I can't see a thing.
Doctor: any other symptoms?
Me: no, but I have the strangest feeling that this has happened before
Doctor: French mustard?
Me: yes, why?
Doctor: It's dijon view

Can you make a waterbed more bouncy by filling it with springwater?

I had a friend who was a contortionist.

But he fell on hard times and couldn't make ends meet.

 

A semi truck full of Skippy peanut butter rolled over on the expressway.  The driver wasn't hurt, but he was stuck to the roof of the cab.

 

What did the Himalayan mountain guide’s son say when his father asked him if he would help pack for their next trip?.......Sherpa.