crotchety ruv

  The best relationship I ever had -- I used to go out with a homeless girl. Yeah, it was great cause after sex, I could just drop her off anywhere.

  In order to graduate from skydiving school… You have to drop out.   Fred saw a large long-necked specimen in a Scottish lake that vaguely resembled a mythical creature. He thinks it was the Likeness Monster.   It's hard to brew the perfect cup of tea. There is a steep learning curve.   What did one Shriner say to another Shriner? Pardon me, I don't know your name but your fez looks familiar.   One of Marie Kondo's kidneys was stolen. She's very disorganized now.   Fred's dentist offered him dentures for only a dollar. It sounded like a good deal at the time, but now Fred has buck teeth. A short person who enjoys good food? Gastrognome. I have some racing geese for sale. Want to take a quick gander? Fred wore headphones to bed so he could sleep soundly. Where was Jimmy Page’s best golf shot? On the fairway to 7. Where does the grumpy baker practice martial arts? At the Sour Dojo.

 

  Fred read a book on how to speak duck... It was complete quackery. Paleontologists really dig their work. When people learn to read, it opens a lot of doors. Especially ones that say "push" or "pull". Fred's wife was yelling at him earlier, but he had no idea what she was mad about. He's not good at solving cross word puzzles. Now I know why they call me a grown up. I groan everytime I get up. Fred's maintenance guy recently lost his legs in a terrible accident. Now he's just a handyman. Fred has a bad habit of running red lights. He really needs to stop. Fred would have been a good chocolatier. He just couldn't control his temper. Egg farmers really pack their hens in tightly. It’s just layers upon layers. Take your problem and put it in a glass of water. Stir it well and now you have a solution. I have forgotten most of what I learned about sea sponges. There was just too much to absorb. A soothsayer who has terrible luck? Misfortune teller.

 

 

 

 

  https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/we-apologize-to-anyone-we-ve-offended-bath-and-body-works-pulls-candles-over-backlash-1.7073298